Ulysses; Pan Fried Kidneys
Leopold Bloom ate with relish the inner organs of beasts and fowls. He liked thick giblet soup, nutty gizzards, a stuffed roast heart, liver slices fried with crustcrumbs, fried hencod’s roes. Most of all he liked grilled mutton kidneys which gave to his palate a fine tang of faintly scented urine.
-Ulysses, James Joyce
Out of all the things on that list, of course Leopold had to like the kidneys the most. How… delightful.
I was a little worried at first when I toss two raw ones to the dogs. They snatched them up thinking ‘treat!’ Then, promptly spat it out. Promising start.
Here’s the thing about kidneys– unless you’ve got a taste, like Leopold, for that hint of urine, bypass the ox, pig and sheep. They’re tough anyways and a much stronger taster. I know they specifically state mutton. Don’t do mutton. Go for the calf or lamb. There’s still a slight smell, but it’s more like, I dunno, ‘barn’. More of a rounder nature smell than just… piss. How very appealing…
The end result is just *meh*. Not good, but not bad. No wow factor, but I also wasn’t gagging (which, let’s be honest, with James Joyce’s description, I was expecting to spray food into the kitchen sink. Which I ate in front of… just. in. case.) Worst case scenerio? They’re cheap (I paid $2.50 for 8) so if you don’t like them, the dogs will gobble them up cooked and you order pizza.
6 lambs kidneys
15 g butter (1tbsp)
1 tbsp red wine vinegar
1 tbsp Dijon
100ml cream (0.4 cups)
1 tsp dried tarragon
salt, pepper
Remove and discard the transparent membrane. Yours might or might not come with it on. Just make sure it’s off.
Cut the kidney down the middle and remove the thick white
core. You’ll need a sharp knife but watch your fingers! It’s a slippery thing
to keep hold of. I was pretty confused following the instructions I was given, so here’s a full row of step by step photos on how to slice and ‘de-core’ a kidney.
Melt the butter and place the kidneys side down into the pan
and cook for 2 minutes either side. Scoop kidneys out of pan and place into a
bowl while you create the sauce.
Pour in the vinegar and stir it around to pick up any
leftover kidney juices. Let simmer until it’s practically evaporated, then add
in the mustard, cream and tarragon. Bring to a simmer and add the kidneys back
in to heat them up, before serving with a white carb—potatoes, pasta or
rice.
